I don’t know if this poem is any good, but I thought of it while (not) sleeping, staring into space, and thinking about leaving earth. In the middle of the night, its so easy to attempt taking my life into my own hands. I know God doesn’t make mistakes, but I also just know I don’t belong here.

And then, I look over at my cute little 5 year old sleeping next to me. I don’t think I could ever intentionally do anything that would change his life so dramatically for the worst. I love him, and I’ll stay for him as long as I can. When I think of being his mom, I know I belong here.

My heart longs for the cosmos.
My true home among the stars.
Floating.
Gliding.
Soaring.
If not for guilt, I would be here.
Weightless, through the secrets of the universe.
Weightless, through time and space.
I belong here.
I always have.

Yet I am forced by gravity, to stand.
Feet on the ground.
Heavy.
Aching.
Dull.
If not for duty, I would be there.
But I am weighed down like lead.
With tears that won’t fall.

Glaring into night,
as if my stare would help me levitate
and fly away.
Far into the distance. Far into the clouds.
If not for love I would be there.
But –

I belong here.
I always have.